The Chemistry of Sexual Activity and How Porn Leads to Addiction
What Sex is Not
What is Sex? Is it when genitals are joined together or stimulated? Is it when a man becomes aroused and masturbates to the image of a naked woman? Is it the mental thoughts of sexual interaction that are stimulated when a man holds in his head the memory of a partially clothed woman who was seen while walking down the street? Is it when someone is triggered by porn actor to ‘act out?’ Is it having genitals stimulated through a one night stand or a prostitute? Is it simply penetration – perhaps through a hole in the wall into an unknown ‘partner’s bodily orifice as he/she stands on the other side of the wall? Is it penetrating a blow up doll, a child, an animal, a fake plastic or bodily orifice? Is it being triggered by the images of naked men or women in magazines, TV or internet? Is it being raped by ‘consent?’ Is it watching others being raped? Is it women being raped in the street by a stranger? Is it the act of when a man or woman is having a doctor’s medical internal examination? Is it masturbation, choking, slapping, pinching, torturing supposedly ‘rough’ sex? Is it the rape of a little girl by her father? Is it a man being raped in prison?
Do these actions become 'sex' if consent is supposedly given?
True sex is the emotional and physical communication between two people who love each other and who are in a permanent and mutually respectful relationship.
It is clear that as a species, humanity has become very confused about what constitutes sex. Becoming hypersexualised has hidden the truth about interpersonal, intimate relationships.
It is well known that people can become anchored to unusual objects and to then consider those objects to be sexually stimulating to them. Humans can be trained, just as stud animals are, to become sexually aroused on signal. eg Stallions are trained to mount a drum for semen collection without a mare being present.
As humans, we too can be trained to be sexually aroused by certain triggers. Some people are sexually aroused by looking at shoes or other inanimate objects.
Many people have their sexuality hijacked and they become anchored to inappropriate objects without ever knowing that they were manipulated. Emotional trauma and sexual abuse can cause a victim to become anchored to objects or people or situations that they would not have 'bonded' to if they had not been subjected to complex trauma earlier in their lives. Sexual hijacking and anchoring are strategies that are deliberately used in porn and is a main theme of porn because it is profitable for the porn merchants. Injured men and women can be exploited through manipulation inherent in porn.
Rape is not sex. Sex can't be purchased. All genital activity outside a loving, committed relationship is actually sexual abuse if it's not a medical action done to help a person, Sex is mutually desired in a loving, permanent and safe relationship.
Safe and authentic sex is an emotional and physical communication between two people who respect and love each other. Unlike what porn promotes, sex is not just a detached physical interaction where genital organs are touched or focused on - otherwise an internal examination at the doctors would qualify as 'sex.' Women don't give ‘sex’ to their husbands when they begrudgingly ‘allow access.’ Prostitutes don't sell ‘sex’ to their customers. They hire their bodies, but they withhold their minds. Rape isn't sex. Vaginal or anal examinations aren't sex. Sex-trafficking slavery isn't sex.
Sex is not just physical contact of genitals. People are more than physical and so is real sex. Normal, true sexual interactions aren't meant to be a kind of entertainment nor should sexual intimacy be regarded as a spectator sport or a right.
Sexual joy and pleasure is the reward of those who share an intimate and loving emotional bond and work on maintaining that loyal relationship. It is obvious from the sexual 'revolution' experiment from the 60, that sexual interaction only works to benefit and stabilise a society when it is part of a loving, committed, permanent relationship. Sexual interactions, if not manipulated by contraceptive chemicals and interventions, will often result in pregnancies. For centuries women would refuse to have intimate sexual interactions with a uncommitted men. A woman would refuse the sexual advances of man who didn't love her enough to marry her. His advances would be considered an insult and an offence to her dignity. A woman knew that it was the love that joined the man and woman that was the insurance for her future welfare and for the resulting babies too. Now that contraception is available, women seem to have accepted the lie that the 'playboys' (women abusers) were telling them for years - that emotionally disconnected sexual activity is simply an entertainment, a spectator sport (porn), a right that they are entitled to receive (or take). Any woman who doesn't accept being robbed of her womanly dignity and to being sexually objectified is punished by being labelled as 'a puritan' or 'jealous' or 'ugly' etc. A woman must 'put out' or at best, she will be ignored and socially 'invisible' and devalued. A loving relationship is no longer considered to be a necessary requirement for sexual intimacy and any resulting pregnancy is easily terminated and the baby disposed of as being a non-person. With the devaluation of the woman, the baby is also devalued. So much for women being empowered by the sexual revolution.
I Just Want a Woman Who Likes Sex
This is interpreted as, "I just want a half of a woman - the body half. I don't have need for the mind. But if I have to take the mind, I want her mind to worship me or at least, not to make demands on me!" This 'desire' also takes the form of, "I just want to be able to look at and admire a beautiful woman..." The unspoken thought continues, "so I can imagine what she looks like naked while I'm masturbating to her naked image in my head.' Many men bemoan the fact that they "can't find a woman who just wants to 'have sex.' The unspoken addendum is "without commitment." This declaration is translated by a woman to mean, "I just want a woman I can use with no commitment and I don't want to have to meet her needs."
It's not really surprising that men with that attitude are not often successful in connecting with emotionally healthy women. Women are not made to function to be used anymore than are men. What if women said to men, "I just want a man who will spend all his money on me but who expects nothing in return." Both these attitudes are extremely selfish and a normal, emotionally healthy person will give a wide berth to any prospective partners with such an attitude. Those kind of attitudes are red lights that should be flashing a warning at us - "Beware - narcissist!"
Porn has succeeded in manipulating emotionally wounded and confused men to believe that they are entitled to have 'sex' with (ie sexually abuse) many women and that those women will be passive, submissive, eternally welcoming, continually sexually aroused, continually on-demand to satisfy a man's 'needs.' This kind of woman will never mock, humiliate, reject, abandon or leave him. She is the ideal woman because she has no needs of her own. Her only aim is to 'please' her man. She lives only to 'serve' him and ideally, she is completely obsessed with her role.
This notion is so unintelligent that it is mind boggling that anyone can be conditioned to accept it, but wounded, disempowered men are extremely vulnerable to such a poisonous, dangerous, misogynistic doctrine. Wounded men often don't understand how normal relationships work because they never witnessed normal relationships in their own family of origin.
Principles for happiness:
True sex takes place in emotionally connected relationships where trust and commitment are already established;
We don't often get something good without putting in an effort to achieve it;
A relationship consists of 2 people and both people have needs. If one person's needs are to be ignored, disrespected or elevated to the exclusion of the other partner's then the relationship will not be happy and the sex won't be optimal either. If a man presents a list to a woman that outlines his 'needs' but is not prepared to inquire about her needs, then it's not going to go well.
Happy sexual relationships, just like any other relationship is a goal that requires preparation, research, learning, gathering of resources and effort to convey to the other person, our willingness to meet their needs. This makes us interesting and attractive to the other party and begins the process of building trust. Trust, emotional safety, security of relationship are essential for fulfilling and powerful sex;
If you want to have friends, you should first offer others friendship;
If you want support at work, you should offer a work mate support;
If you want to be loved, you should demonstrate to that person, the loving part of your character;
We don't find happiness through abusing, dominating and controlling another person. We receive a power hit, but not love. Love cannot be forced despite the amount of force, coercion or threats. Love develops from trust.
If you want a women who just wants to have sex - will desire to be used, then expect to be used yourself.
Porn's lie appeals to wounded men because their uneducated efforts to gain friendship and love have failed and they have experienced disinterest, humiliation or even scorn when their requests for relationship are spurned. The pain of rejection is so severe that many men are terrified of trying any further and porn offers them the way out of future embarrassment and emotional pain. Porn recommends that men should seek out women who will 'serve' him. Some women might require payment (sexual abuse industry) but some can be secured as 'personal' sex-slaves while others commercialise their slaves and engage in sex trafficking.
Private sex slaves are very common among families where fathers, step-fathers, brothers, uncles etc victimise and sexually abuse female children. Some men are so infatuated with the concept of completely dominating another person that they build underground cells to hold their captives who might be their own daughters or unrelated girls or women who these predatory men have kidnapped. Many men (including some men in partnership with their wives) have done this and many more are no doubt encouraged to pursue such activities by porn.
Personal 'Sex-Slaves' People guilty/ charged/or convicted for kidnapping and or keeping women/children for personal 'sex-slaves'
Sex Trafficking Sex trafficking is a huge commercial 'industry' and is currently ruining the lives of an untold number of young children - (both boys and girls), women and men. Young women are also kidnapped and 'bred' (ie repeatedly impregnated) so that the sex traffickers can sell the babies.
What motivates men to imprison and enslave a child or woman as a so-called 'sex-slave?'
It's not about Sex. It is about Power.
The desire to dominate others is motivated by a desire to feel powerful. Many wounded men have been disempowered by their mothers or fathers and many of the men who fantasize keeping 'sex-slaves.' have experienced being disempowered and unvalued and unloved as children.
A man who indulges himself with a 'sex-slave' seeks a power hit. A power hit is what he receives when he forces himself onto a captive against that person's will. No longer able to reject him, abandon him, leave him or even to refuse him access her/his body, the victim's resistance fuels the predator's arousal.
Many serial sexual murderers say that it was the act of dominating their victims that gave them the 'hit' and that power hit was anchored to abuse of the victims' sexual organs. It is interesting to note that women who dress provocatively, have the same motivation as hypersexualised men - they seek a power hit and to receive a sense of value.
Sex is .....
True sex is a respectful, intimate, physical and emotional act of communication. Sex combines two individuals who love each other. During the physical and emotional interaction, there is a bonding of two minds and bodies that are united.
When love and respect are withdrawn from sexual interactions, sexual abuse is performed. When love and respect are withdrawn, all that remains is violation of a person's mind and body.
Porn does not portray normal sexual interactions. Porn portrays sexual abuse.
Humanity has known the devastation caused when sexual abuse occurs, which is why the institution of marriage with its vows of sexual exclusivity and permanency has been protected and maintained for centuries. It is also why in times of war, prisoners of war and conquered victims are stripped of clothing and raped. Sexual abuse is destructive not so much because it destroys the body but because it destroys the spirit, (sometimes erroneously called the soul). Many rape victims can recover physically from being brutalised by their attacker, but the emotional effects on the mind are life-long. Many prostituted ladies are confused, wondering why they feel so awful 'performing" sexual 'services' when it is supposed to be 'consensual.' Reviews given by many former prostitutes demonstrate that these women felt violated and many despised their 'clients' despite being paid for their 'services.' However, some women gain some value in themselves by believing they are performing a necessary 'service' which helps keep husbands in sexless marriages or helps to prevents rapes in the community, but neither of those beliefs is supported by evidence.
Audio only version of K-K-K-Katie
It was only 100 years ago that men were generally respectful to women as demonstrated by the old WW1 song, "K-K-K-Katie." Jimmy confesses to Katie, that she is the only 'girl that he adores' and that she is 'beautiful, nice, neat, cute and sweet' and that 'no other girl could be just and cute and sweet.' These admirations are not focused exclusively on her physical appearance though Jimmy is not shy in telling Katie that she is beautiful and cute, but he also includes her character. She is nice, neat and sweet. The whole woman is attractive to the man to the exclusion of every other woman. Jimmy tells Katie that she is special and that she is his 'one and only' and that he adores her and that it is not possible that there could be another woman that is as lovely as Katie. Jimmy certainly assures Katie that he appreciates her outward appearance, but his focus is on forming a long-term, permanent and loving relationship with her and he purchases a wedding ring to demonstrate to her his honourable and respectful intentions . Jimmy assures Katie that he values her immensely.
Porn's ugliness and destructiveness emanates from its rigid and unyielding principles. Porn:
refuses to acknowledge or value the whole person. Both men and women are valued only on their physical appearance. The attempt to segment and bisect the whole person is extremely psychologically damaging. The body is formed to house the inner person - the real person - the personality and character, but porn insists on denying the real person's existence. The inner person - whose spirit is revealed in their character, is ignored, disregarded, devalued and eventually exterminated (soul murder). Porn achieves soul murder by exacerbating, compounding and increasing the severity of the wounds inflicted when as children they were emotionally wounded through neglect, abandonment, or abuse.
denigrates (overpowers) the porn actress so that the viewer will feel powerful. The actress is disempowered by ignoring the existence of her inner self. She is regarded as being an inanimate object, a 'piece of meat' to be used by the viewer/voyeur who has total control over her body and mind. He can inflict fear, terror and pain and he feels empowered when he sees her fearful reaction or hears her shrieks of pain and terror. These are the same psychological features that motivate serial sexual killers.
sexual satisfaction can be purchased
is harmless. There is abundant evidence that disproves the assertion that porn is harmless. Jack & Margaret Sonnemann have amassed a multitude of evidence which colates research from government and international organisations, judicidary, police force, prisons, prostitutes and divorce statistics which is available at www.ausfamily.org
Personalised Porn Strippers and prostitutes engage with their customers on a more personal level than do porn actresses with their viewers/voyeurs. While accessing the most private physical parts of the stripper actress or the prostitute actress, some customers do acknowledge a little more of the prostitute's humanity through her presented persona, but the customers do not enter into a private and intimate emotional relationship with these actors. "Through her research of strip club patrons and dancers, Wood (2000) notes that 'the symbolic capital being collected and displayed is not the stripper herself but rather the attention of the stripper as she performs for a tipping customer or does a table dance for a customer who has, or will, pay the fee'”(p. 14). * https://scholarworks.umt.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=6351&context=etd (emphasis supplied)
The prostitute presents a persona to the customer, shaping her 'character' to appear as that which she believes will ensure that the customer will appreciate and pay for her performance. Most men long to feel desired sexually by women, so this is the persona that the prostitute and stripper assumes. The 'real' emotional identity of the woman is protected; locked inside a well-maintained fortress surrounded by a tough, high-walled, emotional exterior. The emotional connection that the customer imagines he has with his 'favourite' prostitute or stripper, is only a facade that she concocts to manipulate his emotions so that he will continue to visit and share the contents of his wallet with her.
None of these behaviours is true sex because it does not include an intimate, private joining of hearts and minds.
True sex does not hurt anyone. Pseudo-sex or fake sex hurts everyone involved. (True sex does not hurt anyone, however when a person is already injured sexually either from emotional or physical abuse, normal sex might be experienced as being painful when no dominance or abuse is involved).