Inability to find a suitable partner with whom you can form a secure, healthy, mutually exclusive, permanent relationship
Multiple chaotic or abusive romantic relationships
Understanding the Effect Not Being Valued Causes Genetic Changes
As Dr Tim Jennings clearly demonstrates in the video, "How to Recover from Sexual Abuse,' resentment and unforgiveness can cause genetic changes to occur in the brain and impact on its ability to manage our response to threat and fear. On the other hand, it is Love that heals us.
Lack of Love destroys us and causes an emotion we call fear.
Fear puts us into survival mode which means that we feel that we are in danger and all our actions then are focused on and motivated by trying to keep us safe. We can become hypervigilant about our struggle and are always assessing our level of safety. If our basic needs are denied, we will consider using deception, stealing, lying, cheating in order to have those needs met. While being hesitant at first, these actions then become justified as we feel entitled to meet our own needs since those in authority over us refuse to meet our needs.
Fear is what we experience when we don't experience love - both giving and receiving of Love. Fear eventually leads to negative consequences that injure ourselves and others and result in suicide and homicide.
Fear dominates and controls us and causes us to try to find love, but usually fear leads us to using substitutes for love. If we have never been exposed to love, never seen love expressed, then we have a strong sense of needing something, but we don't know what it is that we are missing or how to meet that need. Humans need love - to both give and receive Love - and there are serious problems that occur when we are deprived of Love. Love needs to be expressed to us or we die. Some babies literally die physically from lack of connection with a loving, caring adult. Others die emotionally. Others suicide to escape the pain of FEELING unloved.
Love is Power
Many wounds occur to us as children because we are given the love that we need to let us develop as secure adults. We can become injured by not having a parent present and that will be experienced as abandonment. Not being wanted is also a form of abandonment. Being criticised, being cared for begrudgingly or being outright abused leaves the child feeling unloved and unvalued. The child is not as powerful as the adult or stronger person who abuses us. We quickly learn that to be weaker or younger than others, makes us vulnerable to our abuser. This is especially true for those who are trying for form intimate relationships.
Children are by nature weaker and dependent on adult care. This is part of the normal bonding/attachment cycle that ensures children are loved and valued, but when adults or others who have authority over children abuse the privilege of caring for them, great emotional damage is caused. Children and vulnerable people are easily disempowered by 'should-be' caretakers, abusers and bullies.
Disempowered as a child, we learn to believe that the abusers have power and that they have self worth gained by being controlling/disempowering us.
The Basics of Love
Love is true power, but is not a power that uses force to control another person. It is the power to selflessly help others. The power of Love protects and provides for the welfare of others.
Selfishness is the absence of love.
Selfishness demands, controls, uses and takes from others for the purpose of enriching self and the taker disregards the welfare of the other person.
Being selfish (without love) is to experience fear. Feeling or being disempowered creates fear because we are not loved or cared for or provided for.
Love casts out fear, just as turning on a light switch casts out darkness. 12 step programmes such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous specify that it is 'the God of my understanding' that empowers addicts to become sober. This concept is not as innocuous as it appears.
We have different responses to God depending upon our understanding of that divine being's character. The divine character powerfully effects our relationship with 'the God of our understanding.' If our perception of God is that of a severe judge who condemns us for not being 'good enough', we will become severe in our judgment and condemnation of others based on their works. If we look to Jesus and recognise that His love is unconditional, we too will not judge others on their works as if they were human 'doings.' We are human 'beings' and well adjusted human beings accept and love others despite their works. We can pity others who do not recognise their God-given value as a human being.
The God of Fear
If we believe in a divine being who is immortal and omnipotent (all powerful), but who is also easily angered, wrathful, unforgiving and punitive/punishing, it fills us with fear that if we do not obey the God-imposed rules, then we will not be loved or safe. We understand the the divine being only loves us conditionally, which really is not love.
Love never fails, but a divine tyrant is a very scary, powerful being. Any being who vows to burn us in hell forever as a reward for 80 years of a sinful life is terrifying. We might obey the divine rules out of a fear of the consequences that such a God might inflict on us, but we do not love such a despotic, unreasonable being and we cannot respect that being either. This vengeful character turns us against God and many people who believe in such a being, become athiests and agnostics. If our God is a divine bully, then any relationship with that God is based on fear and in order to stay 'out of trouble' we must appease the bully. We can not love and respect the bully, as Love and respect must be anchored on trust and safety.
People dealing with addictive behaviours and who are already dealing with childhood trauma, are further traumatised by trying to please a divine bully, to whom they are told to 'surrender' all their character flaws. However, it is impossible to surrender to a being who is terrifying, who is unpredictable, who offers only conditional approval, but who will punish, disown and withdraw Love from those who displease that being. Believing a divine bully severely punishes failure, would cause anyone to hesitate submitting and surrendering their weaknesses. It is obviously hypocritical of a divine being to offer us freedom of choice, but who will also punish those who choose to disobey his rules.
If we believe in a divine being who is immortal and omnipotent (all powerful), but who is never angry, wrathful, unforgiving or punitive/punishing in response to our mistakes, it fills us with love for the divine being and we feel safe being in a relationship. We experience safety and relief from fear, when we know that God is our friend and not our enemy. A divine being who will protect us and help support us despite our mistakes, is recognised as a being who truly values us for who we are and not for or behaviour.
If we do not obey the God-imposed rules, we are still loved, though our actions might cause some uncomfortable, natural consequences that effect our safety. The God of Love doesn't inflict artificial consequences (punishments) but rather, God guides us and helps us learn to be more loving. For example, if we disregard the laws of health and choose to drink bleach, it is not the God of Love who inflicts us with pain in the tummy; rather it is a natural consequence caused by our own actions. When we hurt ourselves or others, the God of Love feels emotional pain too. Even Jesus cried for people who were hurting themselves.
The God of Love
The power of life is love. The source of life is love. Christians are told in the Bible that their God, the Creator, is love.
God's Character is the Law of Love
Healing comes with loving relationships.
The government of heaven is Love. Jesus demonstrated what Love is, in His words and actions. "Do to others what you would like them to do to you." That principle expands to include, "Don't do to others any actions that you would not like done to yourself."
A God of Love empowers us to show love to others, despite how they are treating us.
In stark contrast, the principle that dominates PIMP EMPIRE is the same of Satanism - "Do What Thou Wilt Shall be the Whole of the Law" (May 1947), as quoted in Do What Thou Wilt : A Life of Aleister Crowley (2000) by Lawrence Sutin, p. 416. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thelema
The advice to please oneself is given in apparent disregard for how it negatively effects others.
Princples of Love The truth shall set you free. All humanity are of equal value. God loves and values each one equally. No favourites. Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted and set the captives free. Jesus told the people he healed - "Your faith has made you whole." Love others as you love yourself. Your faith can move mountains. My peace I give unto you. Greater things will you do than I have done.
Transforming the Mind
True healing can only happen when the mind is transformed and fear is banished from our thinking. We are empowered by Love. We know our value regardless of how others try to disempower us through devaluing or controlling us.
When we realise that our wounds were based on the belief that we were not valued, we can do a mental reset and know our value is unchangeable. Then the long journey begins on recognising dysfunctional behaviours that we have used to try to protect ourselves from being further injured in intimate relationships.