WELCOME HOME

• We were thinking of you when we created this website. 
• Maybe you have tried to quit the porn habit/lifestyle but found it to be 'impossible.' That's not unusual.  It is a huge challenge and many before you have said that porn is more difficult to quit than smoking, doing drugs, gambling and even alcohol addiction. Why is it so hard?  Well, it's tough trying to do a job when you don't have the right tools.  You'll need the right tools to tackle the porn compulsion and then you'll be able to leave it alone forever.  All the tools you need can be freely found on this website. You can work through the material yourself, or if you would prefer some human contact, to talk things over with people who have 'been there, done that,' we are happy to chat with you (one-on-one) on the phone (also a free service). 
• Don't be discouraged.  When you have the right tools,  we think you'll find quitting porn to be one of the greatest achievements of your life. 
• We've grouped together a vast amount of the essential resources that you've been searching for to help you heal from the injuries inflicted by porn on you and onto those you love. 
• This is where you get to expose porn and you will find that when porn is undressed,  it's not in any way desirable. Its effects are actually sickening.
  
• As you sift through the resources here, you'll soon understand the enigma of porn:
  • why porn is so addictive,
  • so unsatisfying,
  • so compelling,
  • so progressive and
  • how it wraps its tentacles around you and snuffs out your love for life.
• You'll learn about how you were trained from a very early age to think that porn was normal and that 'all men do porn,' when in fact, that's just a cruel joke.  Women do porn too and become just as hooked on it as do men. It's not normal.
• Porn is a form of sexual abuse and its use creates men and women who become hypersexualised. 
• Porn users often mistakenly assume that they have a 'high sex drive' or a 'high libido,' but they are actually suffering from porn-induced, unbalanced neurotransmitter levels and a consequent lack of certain receptors in their brain (which is repairable).
• No amount of 'sex-related activities' can  satisfy those who are compelled to 'do' porn.  Some people feel the never ending urge to have 'sex' multiple times a day or even continuously but this is not healthy sexual behaviour and it's not sustainable - but it is a realistic description of the dilemma experienced by many porn users.
• The hypersexualised person slowly begins to be unable to respond normally to sexual cues because physical changes have occurred in their brain.  The excessive amounts of chemicals released during porn use, causes the brain to try to protect itself from dangerously high levels of chemicals (neurotransmitters and hormones). The brain reduces its normal amount of dopamine receptors so that the brain won't be flooded and chemically injured, but the protective action of the brain results in the person not being able to feel motivated to do much of anything, except to pursue the now illusive sexual relief.  Eventually, no partner is 'enough' to bring the sufferer sexual relief.  No in-the-flesh partner is 'enough.' No porn partner is 'enough.'  The compulsion to have 'sexual release' is as forceful and controlling as ever, but the hypersexualised person ends up feeling the words of Mick Jagger, 'I can't get no satisfaction.'
• Porn addicted spouses blame their partners for not being 'sexy enough;' for not being willing to enact porn-inspired moves during 'sex,' or for 'getting fat, ugly or old.' These accusations are genuinely believed by the porn addict, but it is completely false.  It is the porn addict who is destroying the sexual connection.  They often suffer from porn-induced erectile dysfunction, but don't recognise it as they can usually still perform for porn releases, until that avenue of release disappears too. 
• The porn addict's inability to perform sexually with any partner, including themselves, has absolutely nothing to do with their partner's attractiveness at all. Nothing. Zero. Nil. It is 100% due to the porn-induced changes in the brain. Thankfully the damage is reversible when porn is stopped and the brain has opportunity and time to heal.
• Many partners of porn addicts endure severe trauma of betrayal.  The symptoms resemble CPTSD and many partners need professional help to cope with the emotional turmoil.  As with the porn addict, recovery is completely possible but the right tools need to be used and that means learning about addictions and betrayal trauma and how to work as a team.

• While we are very happy to help single people, we highly recommend that in a situation involving a couple, both parties are supported in their recovery and the recovery happens together as a team. 
• Genuine emotional recovery is vital for the betrayed partner - and that requires that trust be rebuilt.  The former porn addict must make it his/her mission to prove that he/she is trustworthy again.  The partner must be able to eventually genuinely feel safe again and only truly rebuilding trust will permit that to happen. Trust must be a conviction, not an option.
• All the focus must not be placed on the recovery of the porn addict, while the betrayed partner is told to 'stay in your lane' and 'leave the addict to travel his/her own journey alone.' We offer support for the betrayed partner and those whose hearts are breaking are welcome to phone or email for personalised support . 
• No blame, no shame. 
• We know that people can truly heal and come to hate the porn that they once thought they loved.  In truth, that's the only way to become truly trigger-free.
• We know that sexually-betrayed partners will not ever not forget the betrayal-pain they were forced to suffer, but we also know that they can find happiness with their reformed partner if their partner works solidly on rebuilding trust.
• We know that if both parties desire it, a 'porn-decimated' relationship can be rebuilt. A relationship is a little bit like building a new house after a fire has destroyed the original house, but not everything is shiny and new.  The structure must be new, built on complete honesty - speak the truth in love and receive the truth in love.  The house needs to be bound together with respectful communication.  This can make the relationship a safe place again.
• Men need to understand that women are not criticising due to disrespect for their husbands, but because they experience fears of not being safe and that triggers emotional dysregulation.   The betrayed partner (often female, but not always) is are reactive and focused on the fear of losing the security of her husband's love and admiration. She has been told that she has been replaced emotionally and physically by porn; she has been rejected,  lied to and made to feel unvalued, ugly and worthless.  The wife needs to be vulnerable and express that this is the fear that is driving her anger and emotional dysregulation. 
• Females need to realise that the husband feels vulnerable after admitting he is not the 'knight in shining armour' that she thought he once was in her eyes.  He anticipates having all his 'sins' thrown up in his face, over and over again.  He fears the disrespect that he feels he deserves anyway because he considers himself to be a scum, a vile person, 'the lowest of the low.'  He has huge guilt and shame.  He's not even sure that he won't relapse and he's terrified that he'll end up on his old, familiar porn-escape route at the first hint of trouble and stress.  Wives need to show respect to their husbands.  It helps him if she can ask for his reassurance when she needs it before bubbling over into angry words.
• The partners need to realise that each other is not the enemy.  Porn is the enemy and the partners are on the same team against porn.
• The rebuilding process involves so much learning: attachment injuries, recognition of trauma-bonding, sexual anchoring during childhood, dreams, core beliefs, vulnerability, the difference between male/female communication, particularly how to identify the fears that trigger emotional dysregulation and escape strategies; the body's response to withdrawal from porn; the power of beliefs (thinking) and how beliefs/thoughts affect the physical body; the magnitude of the effects of trauma caused by sexual and emotional betrayal.
• Each partner needs to learn how fears experienced in childhood can impact and even dominate and destroy a relationship after a sexual-betrayal event has been revealed. 
• When the thoughts can't be traced to a particular fear, sometimes the dreams will highlight the issue.  We recommend keeping a dream diary where all dreams are recorded.
• Love and trust can be revived .
• Freedom and safety are doable and it's not too far away, but of course that depends on you.  We're willing to help if you are ready to be porn-free. 
  

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• Disclaimer:
• We are NOT qualified in psychology, psychiatry,  as legal professionals or medical professionals, but we have sourced resources from highly qualified professionals and provided them for you on this website.
• We have also shared our personal beliefs based on what we have learned and experienced.