How Compulsion is Developed
Dr Omar Minwalla has outlined the development of compulsivity that is based on an attitude of entitlement.
Feeling entitled to use another person to gain sexual pleasure, outside of a mutually loving, committed permanent relationship, is abusive of the other person as well as one's self. Feeling entitled leads to an unwillingness to resist using/abusing another person.
Feeling entitled to use another person to gain sexual pleasure, outside of a mutually loving, committed permanent relationship, is abusive of the other person as well as one's self. Feeling entitled leads to an unwillingness to resist using/abusing another person.
Dr. James Gilligan is a renowned violence expert, and has contributed years of research to the treatment of some of California’s most violent prisoners.
"The human soul, the human psyche, needs love in order to survive, just as specifically as the body needs oxygen in order to survive. And for people who haven’t been starved for love, that may not be the first thing they would think of. I mean, we kind of take it for granted that we get love from a lot of people. But if you have lived in an environment where you were starved for that, you’re talking about a whole different range of experience. Just like with somebody who’s starved for oxygen, I mean, most of the time we don’t even think about the air we breathe, it’s just the air we breathe. But when somebody’s oxygen supply is cut off, you realize it’s life threatening in a very short time. Well, it’s the same with the prisoners. They were like people whose oxygen supply had been cut off, but it was their love supply. And I realized that without love, the soul cannot survive; it dies. And that’s what these men were telling me, that their souls had died. That’s why they were capable of killing other people."
https://www.psychalive.org/a-new-approach-to-violence-treatment-an-interview-with-dr-james-gilligan/
We suggest that whether the outcome is displayed as physical violence or sexual violence/violation, the stimulus is the same - lack of love. Lack of love is interpreted as having a lack of value. The soul is your identity, your core self. If you don't receive love as a child, you very often grow up believing you have no value.
"The human soul, the human psyche, needs love in order to survive, just as specifically as the body needs oxygen in order to survive. And for people who haven’t been starved for love, that may not be the first thing they would think of. I mean, we kind of take it for granted that we get love from a lot of people. But if you have lived in an environment where you were starved for that, you’re talking about a whole different range of experience. Just like with somebody who’s starved for oxygen, I mean, most of the time we don’t even think about the air we breathe, it’s just the air we breathe. But when somebody’s oxygen supply is cut off, you realize it’s life threatening in a very short time. Well, it’s the same with the prisoners. They were like people whose oxygen supply had been cut off, but it was their love supply. And I realized that without love, the soul cannot survive; it dies. And that’s what these men were telling me, that their souls had died. That’s why they were capable of killing other people."
https://www.psychalive.org/a-new-approach-to-violence-treatment-an-interview-with-dr-james-gilligan/
We suggest that whether the outcome is displayed as physical violence or sexual violence/violation, the stimulus is the same - lack of love. Lack of love is interpreted as having a lack of value. The soul is your identity, your core self. If you don't receive love as a child, you very often grow up believing you have no value.
Even for the non-religious, Jesus gave practical advice when He said that humans should love others as He loved them and that they should love/treat others as they love and treat themselves.
John 13:34
"A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so must also love one another."
Luke 6:31
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
This is not a command but an enablement. God enables us to be able to love. His love passes through us and flows out to others - even to the loveless ones - if we don't impeded that flow of love by insisting on holding resentments or refusing to extend empathy and understanding to those who injured us.
John 13:34
"A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so must also love one another."
Luke 6:31
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
This is not a command but an enablement. God enables us to be able to love. His love passes through us and flows out to others - even to the loveless ones - if we don't impeded that flow of love by insisting on holding resentments or refusing to extend empathy and understanding to those who injured us.
When a child is raised in a loving family or community, or receives love from at least one source, that child knows how to give love to others.
However, what happens when all avenues of Love are obstructed and the child does not experience receiving love? What is not received, can't be passed on.
However, what happens when all avenues of Love are obstructed and the child does not experience receiving love? What is not received, can't be passed on.
In order for us to give love, we first must receive it from some outside, external source. Our parents were designed to be that guaranteed source of external love, letting the love of God flow through them to their children. It is SO important for human beings to receive love that we each inherit 2 parents so that if something happens to one parent, we still retain one source of love from the remaining parent. However this plan does not always work according to God's plan. Tragically, many children are forced to try to survive in an abusive family, where not only is love withheld, but neglect and abuse is inflicted on them. Subconsciously, these traumatised children seek other external sources in order to receive the love that they desperately need. When those sources can't be found or they are found to be only temporary or expoitative, the needy, injured youth often turn to numbing agents to dull the pain of what they have been taught is the 'truth' - that they are defective; unwanted, unloved and worthless and that is the reason why even their parents coud not love them. Cry-baby, too demanding, health issues, expensive to feed, poor report card, dummy, clumsy, ugly, fat, skinny, short, tall - all these supposed 'faults' are based on what the child cannot control, what he/she can do or that they are by virtue of their young age, needy and dependant.
Healing from such neglect and abuse is of course, in understanding that the supposed 'truth' they learned from their abusive parents, was a lie and that they are worthy of love simply because they exist.
Healing from such neglect and abuse is of course, in understanding that the supposed 'truth' they learned from their abusive parents, was a lie and that they are worthy of love simply because they exist.
Hypersexualised Victims are not Born - They are Shaped
Scientists have found that epigenetic changes (to the Ribosomal RNA) can be caused by childhood abuse. These changes are in response to the stress of being abused and are in no way the fault of the child. The good news is that psychotherapy might reverse some brain changes.
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Abuse changes brains of suicide victims by Maggie Fox, Health, Science Editor
"The changes were not in the genes themselves, but in the ribosomal RNA, which is the genetic material that makes proteins that in turn make cells function. These changes involved a chemical process called methylation, a so-called epigenetic change involving the processes of turning genes on and off... . Dr. Eric Nestler of the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School in Dallas said both drugs and psychotherapy may act to reverse some of these changes." https://www.reuters.com/article/us-suicide-abuse-idUSN0646966520080507 |
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Beginning in childhood, the fear of being unloved by our caregivers creates an aching, driving need. Human babies need to be loved or they simply can't develop mentally, emotionally and physically as the Romanian orphanage 'experiments' and other documented studies revealed.
When children are unloved it is devastatingly traumatic for them. They very often have great difficulty functioning confidently and feel that they can't 'fit in' with other non-traumatised members of society. Children will tend to believe and express that "Something is missing" or "I'm not like other people" or "I feel awkward" and "it's like I'm not as good as others." Even at a very young age, children understand and sense that they are somehow different - in a negative sense - but they don't really understand what the difference. They feel 'less than,' fearful and uneasy with the consequence that they suffer from an anxiety that can last for a lifetime if remedial intervention is not received.
When a young human being experiences the pain of been unwanted and unloved as a child, it scars the brain. Physical changes in the way the child's brain develops. The child's need to receive love doesn't evaporate when it is unmet; instead it appears to intensify, causing even higher levels of anxiety. Soon the emotional pain is so intense that the young person seeks for an escape. It is not a solution, but a way of diverting the mind from reality. The reality of being unloved, unvalued and unworthy of love (as taught by dyfunctional caregivers) is too painful to continually contemplate. The young person becomes 'a sitting duck' to develop obsessions, compulsions and addictions which are simply escapes from the reality of 'knowing' that they are unloveable.
When the caregivers not only withhold love, but also sexually abuse the child, then the child's brain becomes sexually stimulated well before it has the resources to cope with the complex reactions provoked. The parent-child relationship should have been emotionally intimate - based solidly on love and trust. The relationship should have been completely non-sexual. When the trusting relationship is violated and a parent/caregiver sexually abuses the young child, the craving to be loved can become anchored to the sexual organs. The sexual response which should have been dormant until an appropriate relationship was established as an adult, becomes abnormally stimulated to respond to the trauma of abuse. Adrenaline producing events (stressors) become triggers for a sexual response in the body. When the young person masturbates, they find temporay relief of the stress. This is the breeding ground for the development of many sexual compulsions because the line between intimacies has become blurred (sexual intimacy and non-sexual emotional intimacy).
When a young human being experiences the pain of been unwanted and unloved as a child, it scars the brain. Physical changes in the way the child's brain develops. The child's need to receive love doesn't evaporate when it is unmet; instead it appears to intensify, causing even higher levels of anxiety. Soon the emotional pain is so intense that the young person seeks for an escape. It is not a solution, but a way of diverting the mind from reality. The reality of being unloved, unvalued and unworthy of love (as taught by dyfunctional caregivers) is too painful to continually contemplate. The young person becomes 'a sitting duck' to develop obsessions, compulsions and addictions which are simply escapes from the reality of 'knowing' that they are unloveable.
When the caregivers not only withhold love, but also sexually abuse the child, then the child's brain becomes sexually stimulated well before it has the resources to cope with the complex reactions provoked. The parent-child relationship should have been emotionally intimate - based solidly on love and trust. The relationship should have been completely non-sexual. When the trusting relationship is violated and a parent/caregiver sexually abuses the young child, the craving to be loved can become anchored to the sexual organs. The sexual response which should have been dormant until an appropriate relationship was established as an adult, becomes abnormally stimulated to respond to the trauma of abuse. Adrenaline producing events (stressors) become triggers for a sexual response in the body. When the young person masturbates, they find temporay relief of the stress. This is the breeding ground for the development of many sexual compulsions because the line between intimacies has become blurred (sexual intimacy and non-sexual emotional intimacy).
The development of compulsion begins with a confliction of intimacies.
The confused influence becomes impressed onto the mind. In its infancy, it's not compulsion. It's just a confused conflict of two intimacies which should have remained separate but through abuse, were now overlapped in the child's mind. Affection and sex are co-mingled with all relationships - some are same gender and some are opposite gender or some are both gender attractions. The usual warnings that protect a person's personal boundary about keeping sexual contact for an extremely special life-partner are obliterated. Sex loses its specialness because it is 'shared' with every person who the person 'likes.' The young person is then labelled 'promiscious' - a 'slut' or a 'stud' and a series of sexual relationships occur. Hypersexuality prevents the former child abuse sufferer from understanding why they feel desperate to engage in sexual behaviour. Even if they are not hypersexualised, many women 'agree' to have sexual interaction with those who they are not passionate about nor even like. They feel obligated to sexually engage with and please the other person, but without understanding why they find it so difficult to say 'no.'
Emotional forces that come to bear on the child's mind can result in just this situation - the development of an obsessive- compulsive disorder. Despite the young adult-child 'knowing' that a certain action is wrong, he/she feels compelled to act in a sexual way and learns that such sexual actions temporarily relieve their stressful feelings. They can shut off the thoughts of shame and unworthiness for a while. The numb feeling afterwards - the fix - can endure for various times. Sometimes a 'porn-binge' is engaged in before 'relief' is obtained. Feelings of being unloved, which is a form of being disempowered, propel the adult-child towards finding an escape as a relief from emotional stressors. For example, the adolescent child knows it is wrong to touch another child's private areas, but he/she might experience an overwhelming desire (compulsion) to do so. The teen might give in to the stressor/compulsion and then experience the adrenaline surge and dopamine rush that accompanies doing something that is dangerous. When the body rewards the behaviour with a dopamine hit in the brain, the desire to repeat the action can be expected. After the behaviour is repeated, the obsessive-compulsive cycle becomes established and becomes much more difficult to interrupt as the neural pathway forms in the brain, cementing/anchoring that type of sexually abusive behaviour with doing something wrong.
A compulsion makes choosing to refrain from acting sexually inappropriately, extremely difficult (but not impossible!) because the stress is not relieved until the compulsive action is performed. While it might seem that the person has a free choice, it is not an easy choice at all when compulsion/obsession/addiction is involved. Hypersexuality, a condition in which the neurotransmitters in the brain become unbalanced actually drive the urges, however these changes are reversible. In the process of changing inappropriate sexual behaviour, the thinking processes must be first understood and adjusted. Knowing how compulsions develop through the overlapping of what should be separate intimacies, can relieve the teen or adult of the self-condemning thoughts that they are 'wicked' or 'perverted.' They do however, need to utilise their will power again in order to establish a new neural pathway in their brain.
Sadly, many people suffering from sexual compulsion were sexually abused as young children and had no way of dealing with the emotional trauma and disorder that originates from such a devastating experience. The nervous system becomes 'awakened' to sexual stimulation that a child has no way of understanding, dealing with or controlling. These children, both boys and girls, can grow up to become sexually confused and are labelled 'promiscuous' or other unkind and shaming words. Some become sufferers of narcissistic personality disorder also, lacking natural empathy for others, being afraid of any emotional intimacy or of having to trust others. The effect is more pronounced if there was no remedial assistance available for the child or if the child was not believed or was able to find comfort in any adult. Many fetishes arise from such a sad situation.
As young adults, many previously abused children become troubled. Many develop substance abuse/addictions, enter the porn/sex 'industry' or become violent and anti-social. https://player.vimeo.com/video/202571669?portrait=0
Men erroneously believe they have a naturally high libido or that they are addicted to 'sex' but this is most often not the case. Child sexual abuse is linked with hypersexualisation, brain changes and unnatural neural path formation in the brain. When sexually abused children continue to grow up in a pornified society, they are further groomed by porn to believe their sexual injuries (obsession/compulsion/addiction) are 'normal sexuality.' If a behaviour is considered to be normal, the victim does not generally seek help until they are sufficiently distressed. Often a sexually compulsive sufferer will blame themselves, God, or women for their own urges. Porn usually escapes blame of any nature. Yet hypersexualisation caused by childhood sexual abuse and/or porn appears to be directly related to the development of troubling compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviour. Sex addiction is actually the form of their primary emotional coping strategy.
"While the association between childhood trauma and later-life addiction seems intuitively correct, the extent of the overwhelming impact of these experiences is increasingly being documented, particularly with data from the ACES Study (the Adverse Childhood Experience Study).[i] From 1995 to 1997, the CDC and Kaiser Permanente conducted two waves of research on more than 17,000 participants who were mostly white, middle-class adults with health insurance." David Fawcett, 5 March 2019 in The Unwelcome Legacy of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Increased Risk for Addiction at
https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/the-unwelcome-legacy-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-increased-risk-for-addiction/
"As ACEs increase, so do the odds of high-risk sexual behavior and HIV risk." Campbell, J.A., Walker, R.J., Egede L.E. (2016). Associations between adverse childhood experiences, high-risk behaviors, and morbidity in adulthood. American Journal of Preventive Medicine 50(3):344-352.
"While the association between childhood trauma and later-life addiction seems intuitively correct, the extent of the overwhelming impact of these experiences is increasingly being documented, particularly with data from the ACES Study (the Adverse Childhood Experience Study).[i] From 1995 to 1997, the CDC and Kaiser Permanente conducted two waves of research on more than 17,000 participants who were mostly white, middle-class adults with health insurance." David Fawcett, 5 March 2019 in The Unwelcome Legacy of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Increased Risk for Addiction at
https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/the-unwelcome-legacy-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-increased-risk-for-addiction/
"As ACEs increase, so do the odds of high-risk sexual behavior and HIV risk." Campbell, J.A., Walker, R.J., Egede L.E. (2016). Associations between adverse childhood experiences, high-risk behaviors, and morbidity in adulthood. American Journal of Preventive Medicine 50(3):344-352.
These troubled and traumatised children need support not condemnation.
"Addicts do not use substances or behaviors to feel good. They use to find a solution to the emotional pain they are experiencing. Shame, stigmatization, and humiliation only make matters worse. Compassion for the addict’s experience is an essential element of healing, as it is for partners of addicts." David Fawcett, 5 March 2019 in The Unwelcome Legacy of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Increased Risk for Addiction at
https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/the-unwelcome-legacy-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-increased-risk-for-addiction/
https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/the-unwelcome-legacy-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-increased-risk-for-addiction/
Parents are the usual source for children to receive the reassurance that they are loved unconditionally. Very sadly, many parents were themselves injured as children and are unable to give that vital gift to their children. However, as adults, we need to understand that there is a source of Love that human beings can tap into when all others fail. The Creator/Love Itself is that source. This source of true, divine love is not to be confused with the supposed divine being who destroys and bullies whoever disagrees with 'Him' or disobeys His arbitrary rules.
The Strategies Used to Create a Sexual Compulsion
It's mind control.
It's brainwashing.
It's telling you something that is completely abnormal, is in fact, normal.
And it is all lies.
Just as skilful manipulator Derren Brown repeats suggestions to the people in the two following videos with incredible results, so too does the entire Pimp Empire mentally control huge segments of the world.
It's brainwashing.
It's telling you something that is completely abnormal, is in fact, normal.
And it is all lies.
Just as skilful manipulator Derren Brown repeats suggestions to the people in the two following videos with incredible results, so too does the entire Pimp Empire mentally control huge segments of the world.
Derren Brown designed two incredible experiments to see if he could influence and suggest to his unsuspecting clients, that would perform criminal acts. In the first experiment, 'the Heist' he was successfully able to create a desire to carry out armed robbery in his unsuspecting clients at a rate of 75%. Similarly, in his experiment, 'the Assassin,' Derren Brown revealed that another unsuspecting client was able to be influenced to attempt to commit murder by using similar techniques.
When studied, it appears that these strategies employed by Derren Brown to persuade, influence and suggest are very similar to the strategies used to create a desire for porn in normal males (and more recently females) by the porn merchants.
When studied, it appears that these strategies employed by Derren Brown to persuade, influence and suggest are very similar to the strategies used to create a desire for porn in normal males (and more recently females) by the porn merchants.
A wise, religious woman, EG White, stated that human beings should 'guard well the avenues of the soul' (Patriarchs and Prophets, page 460, and Messages to Young People, page 285) but when this is not done, the mind is unprotected from those who wish to manipulate it for their own gain. The porn merchants are such enemies to the soul and have become experts at manipulating the minds of countless millions.
Lies have been believed that must be exposed or else their power will continue to enslave men and women and create misery and ultimately pathetic, human wrecks.
Lies have been believed that must be exposed or else their power will continue to enslave men and women and create misery and ultimately pathetic, human wrecks.
Hypnotism - the Power of Suggestion
Strategies to Create Sexual Compulsions - Porn Addicts
- Suggestion - Use the person's natural susceptibility to suggestion (hypnosis) – make a suggestion that something is good, desirable, healthy, and that you are entitled to it. A lie is necessary to make this work. The persuader/manipulator ties to create a desire in their target for their product based on the lie that the target victim needs or will value the product. So the targeted person is influenced to believe a certain 'truth.' In porn the merchants want their viewers to believe that naked young women are sexy, not injured women who have lost their dignity and who were often victims of trafficking or sexual abuse as children, or who are narcissists trying to get a 'hit' out of men telling her she is 'beautiful' when they should be pitying her undignified state. So the target is introduced to 'soft' porn where the porn performer is posed as smiling, friendly, as if she desires the viewer, as if she is sexually hungry for the viewer. She wants him and him alone (in his mind). She is not doing it for money but because she finds HIM sexually arousing. At the same time, the porn merchants must train their target to believe another lie and that is that their victim's wife/partner is boring, ugly, can’t compare, can’t satisfy. The porn merchants can't be successful if the men all love and are satisfied with their wives. Another lie that the intended target must believe is that sex is separate from love when in reality sex is only possibly through a love connection. So a belief must be developed so that the viewer will imagined he is loved, accepted, and valued when watching a porn performer.
- Anchoring – anchoring bonds a physical or mental stimulus to an emotional response. It could be a tap on the knee or shoulder which when anchored ignites a memory or desire for something. In porn the anchors are many, but seeing a female and instantly sexually evaluating her on her ability to arouse the target is imperative to the success of the porn merchants' plan as it results in the target becoming hypersexualised. Another powerful anchor is orgasm. A negative feeling can also be used as an anchor. When a target is feeling emotionally rejected or sexually frustrated, he can be anchored to porn images which is experienced as a desire to try to fill that need through masturbating to porn images. The target has already accepted the belief that the porn performer wants and desires him not only sexually, but as a valued person. When the target is feeling unloved, unvalued or emotionally upset, or is sexually frustrated, he begins to think of how much better he felt with the porn performer who offered him love and who desired him. The anchoring is reapplied every time the target experiences orgasm when his mind is focused on the porn image instead of during loving sexual connection with his wife/partner.
- Triggering emotional states/responses – When the imposed (false) beliefs are accepted and the physical/mental anchors are in place, then the barrage of porn images which the porn merchants ensure are placed everywhere, cause the target to become increasingly hypersexualised and responsive to a point where he doesn't understand how he became to be 'dependent' on porn. He has developed a compulsion or obsession with porn and it takes over his life, destroying it and many, if not all his relationships, effecting his employment, his finances, his spirituality and his self-worth. He is supposed to be feeling sexually satisfied and happy, but he is in perpetual sexual frustration, suffering from erectile dysfunction and very miserable indeed.
These three strategies were used by Satan in the Garden of Eden also. In Genesis 3:1-6, Satan (the serpent) is seen to have followed the same pattern.
- Suggestion: suggested a (false) belief that the fruit would benefit her. This lie created a desire in Eve. (Fruit was suggested as being good for food, able to make a person as wise as God, tasting good. It is highly likely that Satan chose a time when Eve was already experiencing hunger as before a meal).
- Anchoring: – sense of taste (desire to taste it) and sense of sight (enjoyment from looking at it); sense of touch (desire to handle it)
- Triggering: triggering an emotional state – handed Eve the fruit and she euphoric and invited her husband, Adam, to join her in her 'happiness.'
Becoming Free of Compulsion
Breaking free of compulsion involves undoing the mind control that was done to you. We must:
Please see the withdrawal process where specific steps are outlined to help break the compulsion. (A link appears in the button below).
- learn that the previously believed 'truth' was a lie;
- destroy the anchor that is attached to the trigger and;
- avoid the trigger until the new connection is extremely robust. When the new truth takes effect, the trigger will appear repugnant, uninteresting and a pity for those entrapped will take the place of the adrenaline-charged emotional instability.
Please see the withdrawal process where specific steps are outlined to help break the compulsion. (A link appears in the button below).