Lust
What is Lust?
Lust is a vacuum. Lust is emotional emptiness. Lust is a lack of everything. Lust is the opposite of Love.
LUST IS THE ABSENCE OF LOVE
Love gives to others even if it costs the giver. In contrast, lust takes from others without regard for how it effects the object of their lust.
Consider the effect of lust on sex.
Love motivates a husband to use his body in order to give his partner sexual pleasure. His desire is not to use his wife's body but to please her as an expression of his great love for her. Her pleasure is more important that taking his own pleasure. He trusts that the love of his wife will motivate her in a similar way, to want to pleasure him.
In contrast, lust motivates a man to use another person's body so that he can take as much sexual pleasure as he can experience from a female with whom he has no intimate emotional connection. He masturbates into a female for his own pleasure, or uses his own hand to give him that sexual release while viewing and imagining one or many females' naked bodies. He feels no sense of genuine care for the female whose body he is using. It is a tool he is using to gain the most intense sexual feeling he can stir up in his imagination. If the lustful man projects 'good' character qualities onto the female body, it is only so that he can 'get over the top.' He might for example, require that a female be 'submissive' to him or else his mind can't feel aroused enough to climax. He might require her to have the qualities of 'wanting him' before he can climax. There is no thought of the female and of her needs. Lust does not cause any thought for the welfare of the other person - the object being used.
We will present two origins for lust. One is the Christian belief and the other is a psychological theory.
The Origin of Lust
In the Biblical record, lust originated within the heart of the highest angel - the anointed covering cherub in heaven called Lucifer. Lucifer was covering the throne of God and was daily in the holy presence of God Himself. How could lust enter his heart while he stood constantly in the presence of infinite Love?
Ezekiel points out how this strange change occurred. Lucifer began to focus on his own perfect beauty instead of focusing on the incredible beauty of his Creator.
Ezekiel 28:13-19
Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God; every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold: the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou wast created.
14 Thou art the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou wast upon the holy mountain of God; thou hast walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire.
15 Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the day that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee.
16 By the multitude of thy merchandise they have filled the midst of thee with violence, and thou hast sinned: therefore I will cast thee as profane out of the mountain of God: and I will destroy thee, O covering cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire.
17 Thine heart was lifted up because of thy beauty, thou hast corrupted thy wisdom by reason of thy brightness: I will cast thee to the ground, I will lay thee before kings, that they may behold thee.
18 Thou hast defiled thy sanctuaries by the multitude of thine iniquities, by the iniquity of thy traffick; therefore will I bring forth a fire from the midst of thee, it shall devour thee, and I will bring thee to ashes upon the earth in the sight of all them that behold thee.
19 All they that know thee among the people shall be astonished at thee: thou shalt be a terror, and never shalt thou be any more.
Ezekiel points out how this strange change occurred. Lucifer began to focus on his own perfect beauty instead of focusing on the incredible beauty of his Creator.
Ezekiel 28:13-19
Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God; every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold: the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou wast created.
14 Thou art the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou wast upon the holy mountain of God; thou hast walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire.
15 Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the day that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee.
16 By the multitude of thy merchandise they have filled the midst of thee with violence, and thou hast sinned: therefore I will cast thee as profane out of the mountain of God: and I will destroy thee, O covering cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire.
17 Thine heart was lifted up because of thy beauty, thou hast corrupted thy wisdom by reason of thy brightness: I will cast thee to the ground, I will lay thee before kings, that they may behold thee.
18 Thou hast defiled thy sanctuaries by the multitude of thine iniquities, by the iniquity of thy traffick; therefore will I bring forth a fire from the midst of thee, it shall devour thee, and I will bring thee to ashes upon the earth in the sight of all them that behold thee.
19 All they that know thee among the people shall be astonished at thee: thou shalt be a terror, and never shalt thou be any more.
The angel was originally beautiful but he let that fact cause him to develop pride based on his appearance, not on his character. As Lucifer dwelt on how attractive his exterior form appeared, the less he valued his character. How strange that in our fallen, self-centred world, human beings are still following Satan's example. They value the outward appearance, while they should value and evaluate a person's character or as the Bible puts it, their 'heart.'
James adds to the picture of how lust arises from inside a person - just as it did in the heart of Lucifer, which transformed him into being now known as Satan.
James 1:13-15
Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
James 1:13-15
Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
Psychological Origins
Lust is emptiness. Lusting is motivated by a desire to fill that emptiness that is felt in the soul. The awful, lustful feeling is unquenchable. The desire to escape the emptiness of lust is very real and it causes tremendous pain in the soul.
Lust is connected to shame.
Both lust and shame are the absence of love.
Lust is connected to shame.
Both lust and shame are the absence of love.
Shame is a core belief that a person beliefs about themselves. They believe they are unlovable, disgusting, completely worthless, lacking in any value. So often this false belief is imprinted onto children due to the dysfunctional parenting they were forced to endure in their family. The parents did not give their children the gift that is every child's birthright - that they are a most precious, irreplaceable gift and that they are unconditionally loved. Children who have been denied that core belief develop crippling core beliefs that destroy their lives unless addressed. They develop the belief that they are not worth loving, they can't be loved, they are defective. There is emptiness in their heart. There are no emotional connections with parents that act as conduits of love. There is nothing good and no one will ever think that this person has any worth. No one else will want to emotionally connect with a person who is defective, unlovable, disgusting and foul. There is nothing good in that person - there is only an absence of good. That is shame.
When a person who feels shame about their value (which is based on the value a person places on themselves) they are focused on taking from others in order to fill their emptiness. This is the birth of lust in the person's soul that James refers to in the Bible.
James 1:14
But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
People who have only emptiness inside, desperately try to fill that void with something positive. It's as though they are driven to seek out opportunities where they will be told, "It's okay. I can see your value. I think you're a nice person. I like you." Such an experience is like gold to the injured person. This declaration whether real or imagined is considered to be worth more than life itself in many cases. Those people who chase approval from others are almost propelled into forming the behaviours that cause them to be highly vulnerable to manipulative partners who can see just where the injury lies and they supply the 'words' that medicate their shamed partner.
Many strange, habitual behaviours are caused when shamed people seek out others so that they will validate the shamed person's worth.
The shamed person might try to manipulate others into telling them that they have value by using:
Overt manipulations are obvious. The shamed person boasts about how clever they are, how beautiful they are, how many bodies they were able to conquer in bed, how strong they are, how much money they have made. These statements are designed to impress the audience with the value of the shamed person and to elicit real or imagined positive responses to the boasting claims.
Covert manipulation is less obvious than overt manipulation. The shamed person will do and say many things in order to prove to their audience that they are a 'good' person. Hopefully others will state their gratitude out loud so that the shamed person can absorb the feeling of being worth something even if it is only momentary. The escape from the crippling inner truth is worth all the work and people pleasing that had to be done by the shamed person in order to secure the compliment.
The shame injury is inflicted in a very personal location deep within the person. The shame damages the emotional ability that allows a person to connect emotionally with others. This is the basis of all intimate, emotionally connected relationships. Many shamed people develop attachment injuries that actively prevent the formation of close relationships. As a consequence, many shamed people have a history of multiple, failed relationships. This history convinces the shamed person that indeed their parents were correct when they told their child that they were 'useless, unlovable, unworthy of love, disgusting and a failure.' These relationship 'failures' cause more heartache for the shamed person who is at a complete loss as to how relationships work. Many turn from trying to form real life relationships, to developing fantasy 'relationships' in their head. Like in a fantasy romance novel, these injured people - both male and female - invent roles for themselves and for other people. This is where lust can take hold of the person's mind.
When a person who feels shame about their value (which is based on the value a person places on themselves) they are focused on taking from others in order to fill their emptiness. This is the birth of lust in the person's soul that James refers to in the Bible.
James 1:14
But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
People who have only emptiness inside, desperately try to fill that void with something positive. It's as though they are driven to seek out opportunities where they will be told, "It's okay. I can see your value. I think you're a nice person. I like you." Such an experience is like gold to the injured person. This declaration whether real or imagined is considered to be worth more than life itself in many cases. Those people who chase approval from others are almost propelled into forming the behaviours that cause them to be highly vulnerable to manipulative partners who can see just where the injury lies and they supply the 'words' that medicate their shamed partner.
Many strange, habitual behaviours are caused when shamed people seek out others so that they will validate the shamed person's worth.
The shamed person might try to manipulate others into telling them that they have value by using:
- overt means (such as grandiose narcissistic behaviour): or
- covert means (such as people pleasing)
Overt manipulations are obvious. The shamed person boasts about how clever they are, how beautiful they are, how many bodies they were able to conquer in bed, how strong they are, how much money they have made. These statements are designed to impress the audience with the value of the shamed person and to elicit real or imagined positive responses to the boasting claims.
Covert manipulation is less obvious than overt manipulation. The shamed person will do and say many things in order to prove to their audience that they are a 'good' person. Hopefully others will state their gratitude out loud so that the shamed person can absorb the feeling of being worth something even if it is only momentary. The escape from the crippling inner truth is worth all the work and people pleasing that had to be done by the shamed person in order to secure the compliment.
The shame injury is inflicted in a very personal location deep within the person. The shame damages the emotional ability that allows a person to connect emotionally with others. This is the basis of all intimate, emotionally connected relationships. Many shamed people develop attachment injuries that actively prevent the formation of close relationships. As a consequence, many shamed people have a history of multiple, failed relationships. This history convinces the shamed person that indeed their parents were correct when they told their child that they were 'useless, unlovable, unworthy of love, disgusting and a failure.' These relationship 'failures' cause more heartache for the shamed person who is at a complete loss as to how relationships work. Many turn from trying to form real life relationships, to developing fantasy 'relationships' in their head. Like in a fantasy romance novel, these injured people - both male and female - invent roles for themselves and for other people. This is where lust can take hold of the person's mind.
Lust invents the fantasy that the shamed person is being praised, liked, loved, admired by others when in fact, no such admiration is the reality. In order to receive admiration and being liked, work on developing a friendship - a relationship - needs to take place. The rewards of a relationship can't be gained without effort, but fantasy promises this to the shamed person.
Pornography enters the scene. The shamed person relates to the prostitutes in a personalised way. They project onto the porn actress the emotionally safe traits that they wish they could experience in their face-to-face relationships. "Oh, she likes me. She is submissive to me. She will never betray me. She'll never laugh at me. She'll never leave me or abandon me." In fact, the shamed person is desperate to believe the lies he has told himself because he can't bear the 'truth' of his inner core belief - that he is unlovable. Porn use keeps him isolated and medicated and this shame will never be uncovered or treated as a consequence.
The habit of looking lustfully at every passing female body develops until the shamed person thinks that this behaviour is normal or natural. Men stare at women in scantily dressed outfits continually as if it is their right to look and just what 'real, red-blooded men' do. It's not natural - it's lust. Lust is neither natural or normal.
Lust takes everything from its victim and it gives nothing positive back. Lust is emptiness. Lust HAS nothing to give back.
Porn and looking at woman's body in order to get a sexual buzz or a validation of the shamed person's worth/value, is lust. It is just a take. There is no care for the female whose body was used in the lust. She is a tool to be used. She is not a person but an object. The person doing the 'viewing' is in actuality, a sexual predator. He is no longer interested in putting in the work to develop a mutually satisfying emotionally intimate relationship with the woman, because he knows he does not have the relationship building skills. He knows that it would only be a matter of time before this woman rejects him just like every other previous partner has rejected him. His 'logical' motive is then to simply take from this female, the things that he needs to construct his fantasy. He will imagine a story where he is the hero and she is in admiration of his wonderful abilities. In reality however, he will take the sexual arousal she displays through her body (which might be nothing immodest) and he will reject the rest of the woman because that is of no value to him. She is reduced to meat value which he uses to get a buzz. Thankfully, many times, the woman is ignorant of the whole devaluation process that was done to her by these men.
Some shamed men try to placate their religious consciences by pretending they do have a relationship with their victim and that therefore, somehow their lustful behaviour is acceptable because 'she likes me.' Amazing justifications are revealed by previously shamed people, when they have healed from this shamed trauma.
Lust is not a solution to shame. The vacuum of lust needs to be replaced with the fullness of Love that can only be gained from understanding and believing the truth of your worth as a human being. You are enough. You are worthy of love just because you are human.
Being proud of who you have become as a human being is not in any way tied to your value as a human being.
People can be proud of the character they have developed during this life and for any good works they have achieved, but that is NOT where their intrinsic value lies.
The Christian God tells people they have value because they are His creation and He values who they are - their very existence is vitally important to Him.
Human relationships such as that between a husband and a wife was meant to demonstrate the same love that God displays to His church, His bride. The husband does not use his bride for anything self-serving. He loves his bride and would lay down his life for her. This is reflected in the Christian gospel story of how the divine Son of God became human in order to save humanity (the Bride).
Sex is the special joining of the sacred place inside a man and a woman's hearts. Porn teaches its viewers that there is no special sacred place inside human hearts. Sex is sold as being a sport, entertainment and an enterprise. Porn is anti-Christ in its very essence. It is against the sacredness of the human heart. It is against the building of sacred relationships between man and woman, husband and wife.
It is the Christian God who continues to maintain that you are special. You have utmost value. You are sacred to Him.
Don't believe the lies of porn. Don't believe the lies of lust. They are the lies of shame.
Pornography enters the scene. The shamed person relates to the prostitutes in a personalised way. They project onto the porn actress the emotionally safe traits that they wish they could experience in their face-to-face relationships. "Oh, she likes me. She is submissive to me. She will never betray me. She'll never laugh at me. She'll never leave me or abandon me." In fact, the shamed person is desperate to believe the lies he has told himself because he can't bear the 'truth' of his inner core belief - that he is unlovable. Porn use keeps him isolated and medicated and this shame will never be uncovered or treated as a consequence.
The habit of looking lustfully at every passing female body develops until the shamed person thinks that this behaviour is normal or natural. Men stare at women in scantily dressed outfits continually as if it is their right to look and just what 'real, red-blooded men' do. It's not natural - it's lust. Lust is neither natural or normal.
Lust takes everything from its victim and it gives nothing positive back. Lust is emptiness. Lust HAS nothing to give back.
Porn and looking at woman's body in order to get a sexual buzz or a validation of the shamed person's worth/value, is lust. It is just a take. There is no care for the female whose body was used in the lust. She is a tool to be used. She is not a person but an object. The person doing the 'viewing' is in actuality, a sexual predator. He is no longer interested in putting in the work to develop a mutually satisfying emotionally intimate relationship with the woman, because he knows he does not have the relationship building skills. He knows that it would only be a matter of time before this woman rejects him just like every other previous partner has rejected him. His 'logical' motive is then to simply take from this female, the things that he needs to construct his fantasy. He will imagine a story where he is the hero and she is in admiration of his wonderful abilities. In reality however, he will take the sexual arousal she displays through her body (which might be nothing immodest) and he will reject the rest of the woman because that is of no value to him. She is reduced to meat value which he uses to get a buzz. Thankfully, many times, the woman is ignorant of the whole devaluation process that was done to her by these men.
Some shamed men try to placate their religious consciences by pretending they do have a relationship with their victim and that therefore, somehow their lustful behaviour is acceptable because 'she likes me.' Amazing justifications are revealed by previously shamed people, when they have healed from this shamed trauma.
Lust is not a solution to shame. The vacuum of lust needs to be replaced with the fullness of Love that can only be gained from understanding and believing the truth of your worth as a human being. You are enough. You are worthy of love just because you are human.
Being proud of who you have become as a human being is not in any way tied to your value as a human being.
People can be proud of the character they have developed during this life and for any good works they have achieved, but that is NOT where their intrinsic value lies.
The Christian God tells people they have value because they are His creation and He values who they are - their very existence is vitally important to Him.
Human relationships such as that between a husband and a wife was meant to demonstrate the same love that God displays to His church, His bride. The husband does not use his bride for anything self-serving. He loves his bride and would lay down his life for her. This is reflected in the Christian gospel story of how the divine Son of God became human in order to save humanity (the Bride).
Sex is the special joining of the sacred place inside a man and a woman's hearts. Porn teaches its viewers that there is no special sacred place inside human hearts. Sex is sold as being a sport, entertainment and an enterprise. Porn is anti-Christ in its very essence. It is against the sacredness of the human heart. It is against the building of sacred relationships between man and woman, husband and wife.
It is the Christian God who continues to maintain that you are special. You have utmost value. You are sacred to Him.
Don't believe the lies of porn. Don't believe the lies of lust. They are the lies of shame.
Remedies to Lust and Shame
Loving relationships are vital to the overall health of human beings. Many emotionally injured, hurting people need to learn how to relate to others in healthy ways. They need to learn relationship skills. They need to learn to recognise error and reject toxic beliefs about themselves that are untrue. People who have developed a core belief of shame desperately need to understand the truth about their intrinsic value.
They need to understand that using porn, fantasy and lust does not solve their emptiness. They need to recognise that these acts are escapes from reality. They are behaviours used as numbing agents like drugs to dull the emotional pain. They are used because of being emotionally disconnected from others. They are self-medications used when the person can't enter into emotionally healthy, respectful, loving relationships. To heal, these toxic remedies have to be replaced with healthy relationships. People can't live in the 'safe' escape mode all their life, trying to numb and medicate their pain with toxic remedies of porn and lust.
The journey to wholeness is possible but a complete change of mind is necessary.
They need to understand that using porn, fantasy and lust does not solve their emptiness. They need to recognise that these acts are escapes from reality. They are behaviours used as numbing agents like drugs to dull the emotional pain. They are used because of being emotionally disconnected from others. They are self-medications used when the person can't enter into emotionally healthy, respectful, loving relationships. To heal, these toxic remedies have to be replaced with healthy relationships. People can't live in the 'safe' escape mode all their life, trying to numb and medicate their pain with toxic remedies of porn and lust.
The journey to wholeness is possible but a complete change of mind is necessary.
