(Updated 11/08/2025)
Whatever the name, sex is toxic without emotional connection.
Emotional Injury Doesn't Mean You're Defective
When a person has been emotionally injured as a child or young person, they often learn that they have to suppress or hide their feelings in order to survive in an emotionally hostile environment. However, the suppression of emotions or hiding of the true self - strategies that were used to survive an emotionally dysfunctional relationship - only hinder a loving, healthy relationship. The honest expression of love is a necessity in a healthy relationship. It requires the person to be vulnerable to being rejected, mocked, abandoned and criticised - all reactions that in earlier experiences, caused pain and fear of recurring rejection. Despite the negative impact of those experiences, it is necessary for a healing person to put themselves in the exact, same vulnerable position, only with people who are identified as being trustworthy and honest, emotionally healthy and stable. To do so however, can be extremely frightening for a person who has already emotionally injured so deeply.
It is a well-known fact that, love, unexpressed, dies. A partner must overcome the protective urge to hide their true emotional selves. They must in deed protect themselves, though not by hiding their true selves, but by learning new protective strategies based on honesty and their ability to detect and avoid being vulnerable with 'dangerous' people. Healing people can thus find confidence in their own ability to recognise and avoid danger. They will naturally develop respect for themselves as their appreciation of their own value increases. They begin to 'like' themselves. They become socially courageous and become less afraid to be truly known, without wearing a protective mask. This healing work is essential because it is the emotional aspect of the partner that must be revealed to others, or chemical/emotional bonding in a romantic, intimate relationship won't be possible.
Relationships are failing for lack of feeling.
There is no healing without feeling.
There must be empathy. There must be compassion and there must be an expression of loving, forgiving and caring feelings.
In 2004, in her testimony before the United States Senate, Dr Jill Manning reported that 56% of US divorces cited "one party having an excessive interest in online porn websites" as the main reason for the destruction of the marriage (Senate Testimony 2004, referencing: Dedmon, J., "Is the Internet bad for your marriage? Online affairs, pornographic sites playing greater role in divorces," 2002, press release from The Dilenschneider Group, Inc).
The Australian Divorce Transitions Project (Wolcott & Hughes, 1999) reported that 71% of divorcees blame “affective issues” for the cause of marital breakdown. Affective issues refer to feelings/emotional issues and include communication problems (27%), loss of connection (21%), and infidelity/trust issues (20%). Given that report was published just prior to or at the very time that online pornography was only just becoming available in Australia, it can be assumed that the rates of divorces caused by 'an excessive interest in online porn websites' also mirrored the rates declared in USA.
The reason those statistics are important is because porn can clearly be seen to having a devastating effect on the intimacy of marriage and other romantic relationships. Porn destroys the emotional bonding that is vital in relationships. Healthy relationships thrive on the basic foundations of: love of the whole person; mutual exclusivity (keeping sex only within the relationship); honesty; trust; protection; pride in the partner; respect for the partner.
Porn brings with it a myriad of issues that purposely attack and destroy the basic foundations of relationships by removing the healthy relationship foundations and eroding it by the use of: lies; dishonesty; comparison; promiscuity; secrecy.
The reports demonstrate that emotional/chemical bonding is vital in a healthy relationship and that porn use directly attacks the foundation of the relationship. Porn is causal to the destruction of healthy relationships through the emotional pathway. How is this mechanism possible if the porn user has no intention of destroying their romantic relationship and was just motivated by the promise that porn was harmless and that porn would 'spice up' his/her relationship?
It is a well-known fact that, love, unexpressed, dies. A partner must overcome the protective urge to hide their true emotional selves. They must in deed protect themselves, though not by hiding their true selves, but by learning new protective strategies based on honesty and their ability to detect and avoid being vulnerable with 'dangerous' people. Healing people can thus find confidence in their own ability to recognise and avoid danger. They will naturally develop respect for themselves as their appreciation of their own value increases. They begin to 'like' themselves. They become socially courageous and become less afraid to be truly known, without wearing a protective mask. This healing work is essential because it is the emotional aspect of the partner that must be revealed to others, or chemical/emotional bonding in a romantic, intimate relationship won't be possible.
Relationships are failing for lack of feeling.
There is no healing without feeling.
There must be empathy. There must be compassion and there must be an expression of loving, forgiving and caring feelings.
In 2004, in her testimony before the United States Senate, Dr Jill Manning reported that 56% of US divorces cited "one party having an excessive interest in online porn websites" as the main reason for the destruction of the marriage (Senate Testimony 2004, referencing: Dedmon, J., "Is the Internet bad for your marriage? Online affairs, pornographic sites playing greater role in divorces," 2002, press release from The Dilenschneider Group, Inc).
The Australian Divorce Transitions Project (Wolcott & Hughes, 1999) reported that 71% of divorcees blame “affective issues” for the cause of marital breakdown. Affective issues refer to feelings/emotional issues and include communication problems (27%), loss of connection (21%), and infidelity/trust issues (20%). Given that report was published just prior to or at the very time that online pornography was only just becoming available in Australia, it can be assumed that the rates of divorces caused by 'an excessive interest in online porn websites' also mirrored the rates declared in USA.
The reason those statistics are important is because porn can clearly be seen to having a devastating effect on the intimacy of marriage and other romantic relationships. Porn destroys the emotional bonding that is vital in relationships. Healthy relationships thrive on the basic foundations of: love of the whole person; mutual exclusivity (keeping sex only within the relationship); honesty; trust; protection; pride in the partner; respect for the partner.
Porn brings with it a myriad of issues that purposely attack and destroy the basic foundations of relationships by removing the healthy relationship foundations and eroding it by the use of: lies; dishonesty; comparison; promiscuity; secrecy.
The reports demonstrate that emotional/chemical bonding is vital in a healthy relationship and that porn use directly attacks the foundation of the relationship. Porn is causal to the destruction of healthy relationships through the emotional pathway. How is this mechanism possible if the porn user has no intention of destroying their romantic relationship and was just motivated by the promise that porn was harmless and that porn would 'spice up' his/her relationship?
The Bonding Mechanism
The loving, physical act of sexual connection causes the release of bonding hormones that were designed to chemically bond the two partners together. These hormones (primarily oxytocin and dopamine) are powerful and when released in a loving, sexual connection, prevent sexual addiction.
Without the bonding hormone, oxytocin, these neurotransmitters could cause sexual addiction. Bonded relationships actually are protective against sexual addiction.
Dr Tim Jennings explains this in his video beginning at 44 minutes through to 51 minutes.
- Nor-adrenaline and dopamine - exciting effects like cocaine;
- Endorphins - 'high' sensation like heroin;
- Serotonin & GABA - calming, soothing sensation like marijuana
Without the bonding hormone, oxytocin, these neurotransmitters could cause sexual addiction. Bonded relationships actually are protective against sexual addiction.
Dr Tim Jennings explains this in his video beginning at 44 minutes through to 51 minutes.
